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Skit—Cloven Fruit The Fine Art of Presenting a Cloven Fruit By Jacqueline Britton FADE TO: A largish gathering of individuals in garb with period music lightly playing in background. In the foreground of crowd is a lovely LADY. NARRATOR The cloven fruit has roots in medieval France, but in these Current Middle Ages it is oftentimes used as an icebreaker at medieval parties or revels. A way for a gentleman to introduce himself to a lady or a lady to introduce herself to a gentleman.... A LORD comes up to the Lady, presents a cloved lemon, she graciously inclines her head as she accepts it, removes a clove, and presents her cheek to be kissed. The lord looks a little disappointed as he kisses her cheek. The CAMERA follows the lady as she turns and seeks out ANOTHER LORD. She bobs a curtsey as she hands it to the lord. He bows slightly as he accepts it, takes a clove with his teeth, chews it, and presents his lips for what turns into a respectable kiss. CAMERA sees beyond the couple to a very young gentleman entering the room. This NEW LORD looks expectantly around the room, spies the lovely lady who is now standing alone as the other lord has taken the cloven fruit off-camera. Camera follows his path as he works his way over to the lady as the voice-over continues.... NARRATOR Of course, some gentlemen, in their enthusiasm for the possibilities inherent in the cloving of fruit can sometimes go a little overboard, pushing the extremes of humor and good taste.... CAMERA has focused in on the lady and the new lord as he reaches her, bows extravagantly and (as the Narrator speaks the word, "overboard,") presents her with a cloved zucchini of a particularly phallic shape. CLOSEUP of horror reflected on lady’s face as politeness and courtesy obviously wars with her disgust. NARRATOR ....It is important for the gentleman presenting the cloved object to respect the sensibilities of the lady. She, not you, is the one who determines the boundaries of what is acceptable to her and will easily make her preferences known. CAMERA pulls back as the lady, holding the squash by two fingers of her left hand, stiffly extends the pinky of her right hand for his kiss. This is obvious enough even for this young clod to get the message and camera focuses in on him as he resignedly bows over and kisses her pinky. Turning toward the camera for one last shot of her revulsion at what she’s holding, the lady hurries off-camera and out of the room as the MUSIC COMES UP and camera FADES TO BLACK.
Estimated cost of production: ? Assigned Director: ? Miscellany of people in garb at ball. |